Examples of First Contact Letters to ‘new’ Biological Parents

Please find below, examples of actual letters and emails that have been sent to ‘new’ biological parents.

Note that some letters have been successful in receiving replies and some haven’t.

Successful Letters/Emails

Example 1: Email

Subject line: Query

Dear [potential biological parent],

I hope you’re well. I’m [Name], I live in [place] after moving here for university and now I work in [sector]. I’m sorry to be emailing you out of the blue, but I wondered whether you might be able to help with a query. I found your email address on your website, so I also apologise if this isn’t your preferred method of contact.

I’ve been doing some ancestry research on commercial sites and ran a DNA test to find out more about my family. Through some investigation, a friend of mine has ascertained I might be related to your family. If you would be open to helping me find out more, I’d really appreciate it – I’m hoping to just ask some questions about your family tree. I realise however that this is a personal subject so I understand if you’d rather not answer anything for a complete stranger!

I’d be more than happy to arrange a call if you’d prefer, and can tell you more about myself and what I’m interested in finding out. Again, there’s no pressure if you’re in any way uncomfortable but I’d appreciate it if you could let me know either way. And if I’ve caused any upset or confusion with this email, I truly apologise.

Many thanks in advance, and best wishes,

[Name]

Example 2: Email

Dear [name],

I hope you’re well.

I apologise in advance for my direct approach.

I believe we may be related and I’m wondering if you could assist me in exploring this further?

I researched the Steinberg/Wolpert family tree and I think you might be the right person.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Best regards,

[name]

Example 3: Handwritten and posted

DCP: “I’m happy to share a letter that has led to a very positive outcome, being that it was received by a very open and amenable donor, with whom I now have a lovely connection. When I wrote it however, I of course had no foresight as to how it would be received, which I’m sure we would all agree can be an overwhelmingly frightening prospect. I wanted to convey the importance of the information we ask for, and to appeal to this stranger’s better nature in the event that they had any reservations. We do now meet regularly, and he often mentions the letter. I don’t wish to paint a falsely positive picture of our predicament, which in my case has had a distressingly detrimental impact on the relationship with my parents. However, if my letter can help anyone else to piece their own letter together, I’m happy to share it.”

Dear xxx,

I’m writing to you in the hope that you can help me with the answers to a number of questions, and I would be most grateful if you would read my letter to the end. Whatever the answers are, I very much hope that you will reply. I have included my home address, phone number and email, and I am happy to be contacted by any means.

My name is XXX, and I was born in London in September XXX. Last August my parents told me that I had been conceived with the help of a donor – a secret that they had kept for over 40 years. Their revelation has left me with many questions that they are unable to answer, but they have given me the little information they have – that my donor was American, and a medical student. With this, I set about trying to find the answers for myself, which has led me to you. The research I have done indicates that we are related and I understand you were studying in London at the time.

The first question I must ask you is whether you were a donor in late 1979/early 1980? If not, perhaps you know who my donor could have been.

I appreciate my letter may come as a surprise and I understand it may take time to digest. I’m also aware that donation at that time was anonymous, but I hope you will be so kind as to reply.

It is absolutely not my intention to disrupt your life. I simply seek answers to fill in the blanks that this news has left me with. I would like to know my family medical history for instance.

My email etc…..

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Xxx

Unsuccessful Letters/Emails

Example 1

Dear *******,

I hope this message finds you well.

My name is [name] and I am 39 years old. I believe that I am your biological daughter from a sperm donation you made around [year].

I am reaching out with no ill intentions or desire to ‘blow up’ your world, but I have a wish to see who and where I come from. This is my only motivation in contacting you.

I have grown up with two parents, and a father very much of my own, so I want to assure you that I am not looking to fill a gap.

I know that you would have been promised that your donation was anonymous during the 80’s. I believed that I would not be able to find anything out about you, however, due to the wonders of modern science and technology I have been able to deduce our biological relationship.

I would like to share more but don’t wish to overwhelm you anymore than I potentially have already! I have included below a photograph of myself, my husband [name] and our two dogs, [name] and [name].

I really hope to hear from you,

Best wishes,