Name: Cat
Conceived: 1991
Where Conceived:
I was raised by a single mum, so I always knew my family unit wasn’t the stereotype that I saw within my friend group. As a child I struggled to understand that I was sperm donor conceived so would make up stories about where my ‘Dad’ was. It was never talked about within my family so became something of an open secret. I came up with excuses to deflect the questions from friends and people I met, but felt lonely and adrift.
It started sinking in more when I was a teenager and my mum called me in to watch a documentary that referenced donor conception. I shrugged it off like I didn’t care, but over the next couple of years it really affected me and resulted in some unhealthy coping mechanisms. The realisation that I was conceived a year before the 1991 law change hit me really hard and I was heartbroken that I would never be able to find out where I came from.
When I went to Uni, with my new found independence I did some research and discovered UK DonorLink (now the Donor Conceived Register). Over the years I also signed up for 23andme, Ancestry and all the other consumer DNA testing sites, all with no matches.
I finally came to terms with never identifying half of my ancestry. Then in lockdown a friend took a look at my scattered matches and within two hours, managed to narrow my search to one branch of a family tree, ending in two brothers. I sent off an email, and after a brief exchange I received the message: “Well well well, hello daughter”.
I now have a positive relationship with my donor and his daughter, my half-sister. I continue to process all the stirred up emotions associated with discovery, but I value engaging with the DC community and I am now the Chair of the board of Trustees for the newly founded Donor Conceived UK.