Best Practices for telling your adult Donor Conceived child that they are DC

This post has been written by donor conceived adults who have been through the journey of being told that they are donor conceived.

Note that there will never be the right time or age to tell the DCP, however, the earlier the better. DCP should feel like they have always known they are DC but we appreciate that this isn’t the case for most of us adult DCP’s conceived before 2005.

One of the most important things to keep in mind when telling an adult that they are donor conceived is not to blurt it out. Do your research (read LOTS on this website) and make sure you consider the best place to tell your child that is best for THEM, not you.

You can read lots of DCP personal stories to understand how a DCP might feel about being told. We also recommend reading the DCUK Consultation.

• It is really important to not make the conversation all about you.

• When you first tell someone you must expect that this could be a big deal to them and there may be a strong reaction.

• Be aware that telling someone they are donor conceived isn’t a one and done thing. You are on the start of a journey and feelings on both sides will evolve. Be patient.

• Try not to dismiss any of the DCP’s feelings and fully acknowledge them, even if you disagree.

• As tempting as it is to go back to your decision to use donor conception, and justify it, try to think about now and the future. i.e. think forward not back.

• Don’t think that dismissing the relevance of a genetic connection will help. It will do the opposite.

• Most importantly be aware that by telling someone they are DC you are embarking on a long and sometimes hard journey but it will definitely be worth it in the end and your child will be happier finding out this way than finding it out themselves (which is highly likely these days).