B – Born 1998

Name: B

Born: 1998

Where Conceived: Esperance Hospital, Eastbourne

I found out I was donor conceived in my mid-twenties through the results of a commercial DNA test, which was a massive shock, to say the least.

At first, when I saw people on the DNA site who matched to me with such high levels of shared DNA, I assumed at first that these people were long-lost cousins that nobody in my family knows about, and then my next thought was that perhaps my dad had had an affair as these people had similar birth years to my own.

I messaged them (sounding very confused as I had to basically ask them how we were related!) and one got back in touch and told me he was conceived via a sperm donor. The reality then hit me like a huge, emotional avalanche. Growing up, I’d always felt a bit different, and couldn’t really put my finger on it, and now, suddenly, I had a reason to explain it. 

This person was my half-sibling, and I had matched with another one, as well as other people who turned out to be on the donor’s side. He also told me the name of my biological father, which I know some people struggle to find out due to the legislation around gamete donors depending on the years of donation.

It has been several months and I am still coming to terms with it all, and struggling to find the right time and words to talk to my parents about this. I really want to try to understand their reasoning for not telling me this very important truth in my life, as they have been so open with me about other things like telling me from an early age that I was an IVF baby.

There are a lot of feelings that come with all this: anger, sadness, confusion, happiness at finding true, biological relations but worry that a relationship may not develop. I have some health problems that have come out of the blue and could potentially have a genetic link, so I am angry that my true medical history has been denied to me my whole life.

Finding Donor Conceived UK has helped me in finding a community of people who understand my experiences, and I feel less alone in it all now. That being said, this is a journey that I am very much still at the beginning of, which is why support for donor conceived people is crucial.