Sophie – Born 2002

Name: Sophie

Born: 2002

Where Conceived: 

I have known I was conceived using an anonymous egg donor for as long as I remember.

I do remember some early conversations. Often, these were initiated in the car – strapped in, braced for anything – the perfect location to avoid all eye contact.

When I was eight, we learned about ‘test tube babies’ in school. I proudly put up my hand, proclaiming that I had been a test tube baby, only to be dismissed and told I must had gotten confused. I remember that feeling as my face turned red with embarrassment and my classmates looked on confused. I felt ‘othered’ for the first time. This ‘other-ing’ continued throughout school, with one girl taunting me as ‘adopted’ and another uncomfortably treating me as her personal psychology project.

Nevertheless, I had never been ashamed of my origins and developed a fascination with genetics and biology. Which features and characteristics had come from my donor? What was she like?

When I turned eighteen, I applied for donor information from the HFEA. It was a big moment and one I had been building up in my mind. This became very anticlimactic when it took twelve months from submitting my application to receive any response. A monumental moment in my life was delayed for an entire year, completely beyond my control.

My journey to understanding my own origins quickly turned into deep academic interest. At sixteen, I wrote a 5000-word essay on the evolution of infertility treatment from Ancient Greece to modern day treatment. Then, having seen the very tangible impact of legislative changes on donor conceived people’s lives, I decided to study law at university with a particular interest in medical law and ethics.

Recently, my journey has taken a new direction as I joined a commercial DNA testing database. My closest matches are second cousins and I am still slowly exploring this new avenue, conscious of the ever-evolving nature of my feelings.

My feelings surrounding my donor conceived origins are complex, and constantly evolving. What once was intrigue around inherited characteristics, now encompasses anxiety surrounding my unknown family medical history. What once was gratitude, for a process enabling my parents to have the child they so desperately wanted, is now attached to anger at a system that flagrantly disregards the feelings and implications for that child created.

The guilt that once existed, for feeling anything other than grateful for my origins, has lifted.

This is my journey. No one can tell me how I am allowed to feel.