Reaching out to a “new” half sibling

When thinking about contacting a half sibling for the first time, consider these points:

• The half sibling may not be DC, as they may be the social/raised child of the donor and may not know their parent donated.
• If the half sibling is DC, they may not know they are DC, as they may not have been told. It is also possible that they found out through a DNA test.

Because of these points it is important to proceed thoughtfully and sensitively in any communications, as you may be about to inform them of life-changing news. Here are some recommendations:

• When you first make contact, start with something gentle and high level, like: “Hi, it’s nice to see we’ve connected here. Do you have an idea how we might be related?”
• If they are DC, but seem not to know, focus on sharing information about yourself to help the half sibling process the implications. For example, you might follow with: “I was donor conceived in xx year and yy place” and see how the conversation progresses.
• If the half sibling already knows they are DC, the conversation could be a lot easier. However, you should consider that they may not be interested in having any contact with half siblings. As hard as this may be to accept, consider respecting their wishes. Hopefully they may want contact in the future.

No matter the circumstances, make sure to give your half sibling time and space to digest potentially new information and decide how they wish to respond.